In this post I really wanted to address a question that many people may be too afraid to ask, for fear of appearing foolish, or ‘uncool’, fortunately, i’m not cool at all and I certainly don’t mind appearing foolish occasionally, therefore I will be addressing the age old question of ‘How to make friends’
Way back in 2010, I began a whole new chapter of my life, when I made the decision to quit my full time job as a receptionist and go to university, to get my degree, in Fashion Communication and Promotion. Within just one week, I fully regretted this decision, I hadn’t made any friends, I was missing my ‘home friends’, terribly and I had made a fool of myself approximately 27 times, (I blame the tequila). Settling into university can be tough, but with some perseverance you’ll, of course, be absolutely fine. Sure enough within a couple of weeks, I had made a ton of friends, I was out every night and having the time of my life!
Fast forward to 2018 and whilst I am happy to have grown up and graduated, my social life seems to have plunged into a black hole of nothingness. When I first met my boyfriend, almost 5 years ago, it was all party, party, party! I had made the decision to stay in Nottingham, with Adam, we moved in together and got a dog (Mia, the little, white, fluffy, bundle of joy, you’ll have probably seen all over my Instagram stories). I made friends with Adams friends, who are all wonderful and we would quite often drink wine and play Sing Star, until stupid o’clock in the morning. But you know how these things go, people grow up, they get into relationships, they get married, have children and before you know it, you only really see each other on special occasions, like weddings, Birthdays and New Years Eve. And when your other friends live so far away, it can be very easy to lose contact, fortunately my close, long distance friend and I, are quite good at keeping in touch, but the cost of travel is often what keeps us apart.
After we leave full time education, we often drift away from the people who were once our very best friends, I know that out of everyone I went to university with, I am only in contact with two people. University life is somewhat of a bubble, the reality is, life after uni is very different. Most of us will join the rat race and work from 9am – 5pm, Monday to Friday. We will quite often be really bloody exhausted ALL THE TIME and if you’re anything like me, will constantly be wishing it was Saturday!
More often than not, people make friends at work, after all we spend a hell of a lot of time with these people, why not build meaningful relationships with them? Well, firstly, I work from home and rarely actually see my colleagues and secondly, as Ive mentioned before, most of them still call me Rachel, which, if you glance up at the URL of my blog for a moment, you will see, is NOT MY GOD DAMN NAME, *ahem, that’s a touchy subject, which we shall leave there, for now.
How to make friends
Now, I’m no expert on the subject of how to make friends, but over the last few months, I have built, some quite meaningful relationships, with people who share similar interests to me. I was invited to my very first Bumble BFF event, a few months ago and when I arrived, I was absolutely terrified, I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t know what to expect. Bumble, if you don’t already know, is actually a dating app, which has just recently introduced new features, where you can make friends, through Bumble BFF or make useful business connections through Bumble Bizz. As you can probably tell from my photos they were taken at the most recent Bumble Bizz event, which is now the second one I have attended. Now, I’m not here to plug Bumble and of course this is in no way sponsored, but I would advise looking at the app, because it is actually a really useful tool, to find likeminded people to connect with. It’s especially useful for bloggers and is a great way to meet people non romantically (and romantically, if thats what you’re looking for, but thats a blog post for another day).
As I was saying, attending my first Bumble event was a daunting experience, which turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done, for myself. If you are looking to make friends, you need to throw yourself out there, there is no point, turning up to something and not speaking to anyone, that’ll get you no where. I know its scary, especially if you’re shy, but in order to build relationships, you NEED to speak to people.
Now, I know that not everyone reading this will be a blogger and you may not be going to specific events, catered to people with the same interests as you. Perhaps, instead, you could join a club, or take up a new hobby. Team sports, are great for meeting new people, I met lots of lovely ladies, when I joined a women’s running club. If you’re not into sport, thats ok, there are a ton of other activities for you to choose from, perhaps you could join a knitting group, or a book club or even a dramatic society, I don’t know, maybe even fight club, whatever floats your boat! Find something you are into and see what there is in your local area to accommodate that, or perhaps give something totally new a try.
In order to make friends, you have to be proactive and you have to talk to people. Whilst at my first event, we got onto the subject of wanting to go out as a little group and take photos for our blogs, go to cute cafes and just hang out, so thats what we did. Don’t do that annoying thing, you know what I mean, that whole ‘yeah, we’ll have to plan something, at some point’ Because its more than likely, that you’ll never see them again. Get their contact details and organise something! Ive found that making friends in your late 20’s/early 30’s and I suppose beyond that, is much like dating, you meet, you organise to go out again and again and again, until one night you get totally shit faced together and suddenly, thats it, you’re holding back her hair, whilst she vomits that 11th shot of tequila into the toilet of Oceana nightclub, whilst, simultaneously confessing your undying love for each other, a voila, you are now best friends!
Congratulations, you may now tag each other in memes, until one of you dies.
So, to sum up and answer the question, how to make friends…
Get yourself to some events, or take up a new hobby.
Swallow all of your shyness and actually speak to people.
Don’t be an asshole (obviously).
Make plans with these new found people and actually stick to them.
Get shit faced, confess undying love, tag each other in memes. (ok, you don’t have to do this last part, its just a very loose suggestion).