Have the words, ‘I’m too fat to wear those’ ever come out of your mouth? Because they come pouring from my pie hole on the daily. I put myself down so many times per day, that its almost become second nature, to the point, where most of the time, I don’t even realise Im doing it. Its never a ‘oh, feel sorry for me’ put down, its nearly always for comedy value. Often people laugh, I want them to laugh, after all, but sometimes people look concerned and maybe a little bit heartbroken that I’m so nasty about myself.
Ive just accepted that this is who I am and whilst, I’ll always put myself down for the purpose of getting a laugh, I’ve been really trying lately to be kinder to me. I often get put down, by family members and friends, most of the time its either passive aggression, or they don’t even realise they’re doing it, but its still really fucking hurtful. So why is it less hurtful when I abuse myself so horrendously? I often think perhaps I’m punishing myself for something? Maybe for liking food a bit too much and not liking exercise enough. Maybe its because I don’t look like most of the really successful bloggers or YouTubers? Who knows, all I know is, it has to stop, i’m damaging my own self esteem and as I said before, I’ve got enough people in my life served with the purpose of making me feel shitty about myself, I don’t need to add to that by being my own worst enemy.
There are three ‘Influencers’ who inspire my style choices…
But out of my three favourite women on the internet, one will always have my back in terms of the right fit and that is Alix, who is approximately the same shape and build as me and I couldn’t be prouder of that fact, because she is ‘goals’ (I think I might be too old to be using terms like ‘goals’, but stay with me guys #clingingtomyyouth) Anything she buys, generally, I’ll buy, because I know that it will not only fit me, but it will look good (Not great though, lets not go crazy, don’t forget, i’m still a fully affirmed self saboteur)
Introducing the ASOS Farleigh Jeans, a mom jean, like no other (actually they’re probably like every other mom jeans, you still have to size up TWICE) Alix has mentioned a few times, her love for these jeans and I always thought that they looked incredible on her, but I just didn’t have the confidence to pull them off – queue, the absolutely shit selection of clothing on ASOS, at the moment and my shameful shopping addiction. The Farleigh Jeans had been sat in my saved items for too long, I wanted something different and I knew I could simply return them, feeling a little bit worse about myself for ten minutes, until comforted by cake, at which point, Id get over it and move on with my life.
The next day they arrived, I ripped open the packaging and popped them on…They looked good, win! And, better still, they didn’t look like pregnancy pants!
Yes, before you ask, someone has patted my tummy and asked when i’m due before and yes, the person in question is dead now.
(Obviously i’m kidding, the remains of the nasty battleaxe, are not buried in my back garden, I’m sure she’s very much alive, the cow)
So if ever you feel like you cant wear something because you’re not ‘skinny enough’ or you’re not the ‘right shape’, take that thought or feeling and say ‘fuck you, buddy’ Im wearing the mom jeans and not only am I wearing them, I’m going to do so, whilst continuing to be the absolute queen I am.
Seriously guys, I’m the worst for it, but please, stop putting yourself down, the only person you’re hurting is yourself. And to quote Mark Darcy – ‘I like you very much, just as you are’
(Except for that old woman who thought I was pregnant, that one time, I don’t like you, you are the worst)